BRINGING PEACE HOME: Addressing Youth Violence at the Roots
This presentation was written for 2021's global enditnow emphasis day.
by Sarah McDugal, Abuse Recovery Coach
Scripture Passage:
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Galatians 5:22-23
Introduction
Once upon a time, there was a Little Person who felt special. The Little Person always wanted “their” own way. What other people wanted or needed didn’t matter to the Little Person who became selfish.
While other Little People were learning to put others’ needs first, this Little Person didn’t. And the Little Person began expecting and demanding “their” own way.
The Little Person grew up and became a Big Little Person. When the Big Little Person tried the same selfish demands to get “their” own way with other grownups, it didn’t work as well as it had before.
Instead of focusing on being kind and helpful to others, the Big Little Person began a habit of doing dishonest things and hurting people to get “their” own way, even though being dishonest and hurting people is wrong.
Because the Big Little Person was always nice to the people in charge, they thought the Big Little Person was wonderful. Soon the people in charge allowed the Big Little Person to take more and more power.
The Big Little Person appeared to live happily ever after, but all the people close to the Big Little Person suffered. In the end, the Big Little Person who learned to like being cruel, ended up suffering too — because the Big Little Person who wanted “their” own way never experienced the joy of unselfishness, helpfulness, and kindness.
One day when the people in charge realized the Big Little Person was cruel to others, they decided to stop giving power to the Big Little Person. That was the day when other people in the community were no longer being hurt by the Big Little Person, and they were able to begin healing from their wounds to experience true love and safety.
Statistics Around the World
Today’s world is a dangerous place for our children and youth to grow up. If we are courageous enough to look, the statistics of violence, bullying, and assault are alarming in every country. Technology has expanded the potential for youthful cruelty, by making it possible to cyber-bully one’s peers without risking exposure or harm to oneself.
Before we can explore the tangible ways to address this problem, we must first have a better understanding of what our youth are facing on a daily basis in today’s world.
These statistics may be disturbing and very uncomfortable to hear, but for our community of faith they are crucial to know if we want to be aware and able to truly impact the way things are. We must also remember that many of the families in our congregations and communities are living with the impact of this data, which makes it an important theme to discuss in the church — even if it is not comfortable to do so.
According to the World Health Organization, youth violence is a global public health problem. It includes a range of acts from bullying and physical fighting, to more severe sexual and physical assault, to homicide.
About 200,000 homicides occur worldwide every year among the youth aged 10-29 years old. This is close to half (43%) of the total number of homicides globally each year.
Homicide is the fourth leading cause of death from ages 10-29, and 83% of these involve male victims.
For each young person killed, many more sustain injuries requiring hospital treatment.
In one study, up to 24% of women report that their first sexual experience was forced.
When it is not fatal, youth violence has a serious, often lifelong, impact on physical, psychological, and social functioning.
Youth violence greatly increases costs of health, welfare, and criminal justice services; reduces productivity; and decreases the value of property.
According to RAINN, the rates of sexual violence to children under the age of 18 is chilling:
1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.
82% of all victims under 18 are female.
females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
9 out of 10 victims of rape are female.
The effects of child sexual abuse can be long-lasting and affect the victim's mental health, increasing their risk, and making them:
about 4 times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse.
about 4 times more likely to experience PTSD as adults.
about 3 times more likely to experience a major depressive episode as adults.
So, as loving parents, teachers, and church community leaders — how can we keep our children safe? What can we do to protect the next generation and help them develop into healthy, whole, strong, confident, safe adults?
Where Youth Violence Begins
Statistics show that home, where children are supposed to be surrounded by adults and older youth whom they love and trust, is often the most unsafe place. Data shows that when cases of child sexual abuse are reported to law enforcement:
93% of perpetrators are known to the child, and of that number 34% are family members or relatives,
while only 7% of perpetrators are actually strangers to the child.
The terrifying reality is that far too often the place where our children begin experiencing violence is inside the home. Even inside the Christian home.
The World Health Organization also states that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are some of the most intensive and frequently occurring sources of stress that children may suffer early in life.
These adverse experiences can include verbal, physical, sexual or psychological abuse; various forms of neglect; violence between parents or caregivers; serious dysfunctions such as alcohol, substance, or pornography addiction; as well as outright violence among peers, or in the community.
“It has been shown that considerable and prolonged stress in childhood has life-long consequences for a person's health and well-being. It can disrupt early brain development and compromise functioning of the nervous and immune systems. In addition, because of the behaviours adopted by some people who have faced ACEs, such stress can lead to serious problems such as alcoholism, depression, eating disorders, unsafe sex, HIV/AIDS, heart disease, cancer, and other chronic diseases” later in life.
When describing Christ’s childhood, Luke 2:52 tells us that “Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.” This tells us three things about His childhood:
he grew in psychological and spiritual maturity (wisdom)
he grew in physical health and strength (stature)
he grew in favor with God and the people (character and personality).
In order to have the greatest opportunity to grow in wisdom, stature, and favor like Jesus did — our children need protection and safety to develop with balance and wholeness. This means they not only need physical safety, but also emotional, spiritual, sexual, and psychological safety.
The solutions for preventing adverse childhood experiences must begin in the Christian home.
We love our precious children. We love them fiercely and fully. We want the best for them. But often we fail to realize that we are preparing them for lives marred by violence by subjecting them to a lack of safety right at home:
If they are watching parents fight, or seeing their father attack their mother — home is not safe.
If they are being molested or abused sexually by family or trusted friends — home is not safe.
If they are living in fear of your criticism and harsh words — home is not safe.
If their mistakes and failures are used to shame and control them — home is not safe.
If they are not free to express emotions and fears and concerns — home is not safe.
If they are silent on spiritual topics because they’ve been told God won’t love them if they ask questions — home is not safe.
If they observe fathers and male relatives exercising their power to exploit women instead of leading like Jesus by serving and protecting — home is not safe.
We cannot control the world around us. But we do have an undeniable responsibility before God to raise our children in safe, gentle homes that reflect the tenderness and love of Christ’s character. “The atmosphere surrounding the souls of fathers and mothers fills the whole house, and is felt in every department of the home.”
In order to address the epidemic of aggression among our youth, in order to reduce dating violence, peer bullying, child sexual assault, and teen homicide — we must assess the cultural norms that exist inside our homes. We must first address ourselves as parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, and family friends. When our homes are structured on the concepts of power and control, we unwittingly perpetuate cycles of aggression, anger, and hopelessness back out into the community.
The first step to ending these painful cycles is to end break the silence and bring the subject into the light.
The Apostle John writes, “God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” (John 3:19-21)
No matter how awkward it may feel, we must begin discussing reality in a way that allows for honesty and leads to change. When we as a global church avoid uncomfortable topics, preferring to keep things secret and hidden, we allow violence to flourish in private. The only way to dispel the darkness is to shine the light of truth upon it, and to bring it into the sterilizing sunshine of God’s character. John tells us that if someone keeps evil hidden in the dark, they are not true followers of God.
The Mindset of Power and Control
Church communities can unknowingly promote ways of thinking that increase abusive patterns of behavior, because we idolize those who wield power.
But wait, isn’t power a good thing?
It can be. But power unchecked, corrupts quickly. As followers of Christ, we are called to treat each other according to the Fruit of the Spirit. “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
When we focus on exerting power over others, controlling the choices of others, and forcing our will on others, we easily forget that only Lucifer sought for power. Satan seeks to take. To possess. To control.
Christ seeks to give. Jesus and the Father are one in their identity of LOVE. Together, they employ only the tools of love and truth to invite us to accept salvation. Every other tool: forcefulness, deception, manipulation, trickery, bribery, intimidation, deflection, isolation, enticement… all of these are tools of the devil, not of God. We cannot use these tools in our parenting, our romantic relationships, our marriages, or our ministries without taking on the characteristics of Satan.
When church people, members OR leaders, focus on power instead of servanthood — whether in our marriages, in our classes, in our small groups, or in our congregation and community at large — we perpetuate an atmosphere that makes abuse thrive. We seek to hold the POWER of God, without possessing the CHARACTER of God.
Then we are heartbroken when our children grow up into youth who have seen abuse modeled as the norm, and follow in our emotionally, verbally, physically, or spiritually violent footsteps.
Possessing power without also possessing the character of God is evidence of sin that must be exposed to the light of God’s truth.
Light Brings Healing
Until we break the cycle of abuse, we are not following Jesus’ command to love one another and to live in the light. “Anyone who loves another brother or sister is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble. But anyone who hates [abuses] another brother or sister is still living and walking in darkness” (1 John 2:10, 11).
When we exhibit the fortitude required to talk openly and honestly about creating homes filled with kindness and compassion; when we refuse to protect and enable the familiar habits that endorse a spirit of violence and aggression toward the next generation, the church can begin to experience revival and healing.
Until we do this, we are collectively stealing the treasure of safety and trust from our children’s hearts. In doing so, we misrepresent the character of God and transgress the third commandment, which says, “You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God. The Lord will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name” (Exodus 20:7).
As members of the Body of Christ, we claim to reflect the name of God. When our daily example does not showcase the Fruit of the Spirit, we are taking God’s name in vain.
In Galatians chapter five, Paul tells us that when we follow the desires of our "sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21).
It may be uncomfortable to recognize that far too often we treat our family at home with more hostility, quarreling, jealousy, angry outbursts, envy, and other forms of emotional and physical aggression than we may exhibit anywhere else. Our spouses and children become easy targets for our frustration, exhaustion, or irritability. Then they grow up believing these patterns of behavior are normal, and they treat siblings, peers, romantic partners, and their future families in the same generational pattern.
This attitude at home does not depend on wealth, gender, or cultural norms. It hinges upon our willingness to imitate Jesus Christ and to model His heart of love to our children and youth. Jesus Christ must be our reference and the center of our attitudes at home.
This is not a calling only for mothers, either. It is an expectation of all who claim to follow Jesus Christ and to be filled with the Spirit — men and women, boys and girls.
Conclusion
Scripture calls us to show love by speaking truth about violence. “What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter” (Isaiah 5:20).
In Ephesians 5:11-13 Paul instructs us clearly to
not participate in darkness,
expose the deeds of darkness,
use light to make things visible,
expose sin in the light.
When we minimize at-home examples of violence to our children, accepting aggressive cultural patterns as normal, and make the abuse of power appear to be less harmful than it is in God’s eyes, we act in opposition to God’s heart of love.
As long as violence thrives in silence within the households of the faith community, as long as our churches conduct evangelism and outreach using methods based on power or forcefulness, as long as we embrace the aspects of our local culture that endorse and encourage an attitude of control over others — we are modeling to our youth that violence is normal, that it is not safe for them to report harm, and that the mindset of domination and entitlement is an acceptable substitution for God’s sacrificial love.
If we choose, we can show our young people how to end violence and to enditnow. But this means we must look in the mirror and address our own violence, our own aggression, our own sense of entitlement to control and power over others. How do we begin to do that?
We begin by being willing to do whatever it takes to break the silence of violence and to enditnow.
Silence is not how God defines loving others well.
Scripture says to speak out (Isaiah 58:1, 2, 6,7).
Silence is not the way to inspire abusers to embrace humble change.
Scripture says to hold each other accountable (Ephesians 5:11-13).
Silence is not part of the biblical process of forgiveness.
Scripture says to rebuke those who harm the little ones (Luke 17:3).
Silence does not bring transformation.
Scripture shows that covering sin brings calamity to the entire community (Joshua 7-9).
Silence does not facilitate healing.
Silence does not save the lambs.
God’s compassion compels the body of Christ to also respond compassionately to the needs that are created as the consequence of abuse. In doing so, victims who are broken by all forms of abuse are given the opportunity to heal and rebuild their lives.
May God bless as we pray, speak, and work together against violence, to enditnow.
Together, we can break the silence.
Together, we can enditnow.
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