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the VAULT | Q&A | COURT

Q: My divorce is getting expensive and my ex won't disclose financials with honesty. Should I agree to settle out of court?
Q: How do you support women with young children who are scared to leave because they might lose their kids? Especially women in countries without domestic violence shelters or support services?
Q: I'm separated from my abuser, should I still create a safety plan in case things get scary again?
Q: I left, then reconciled, and now I'm worried I may need to leave again. How should I prepare, just in case?
Q: How can using the BINDER help me track patterns of abuse and reassure me that seeking safety and stability isn't unfair?
Q: How do I find out what I'm legally entitled to in my divorce process?
Q: Would you recommend litigation or just stay in negotiation mode?
Q: Do courts accept telehealth therapy for kids?
Q: Is it necessary to have evidence before leaving?
Q: What should I do with my recorded audio evidence? Is collaborative divorce a good choice when there is abuse?
Q: Should I attempt mediation or settling out of court when there is abuse? What are some negotiation tips?
Q: Is it better to settle outside of court with a toxic person? What if court keeps getting delayed?
Q: My ex wants to take our teen kids for the summer but refuses to disclose his address in another state. We don't have a parenting plan yet, what can I do?
Q: What to do when your proposed divorce date is set?
Any advice on wording or things to bring up on temporary custody hearing
Q: What factors should I consider as I'm deciding how long to wait before I file for divorce?
I pay him child support and I want to get it adjusted
Q: How long does divorce process last?
Q: What are the challenges and growth tips for a neurodivergent parent and child dealing with a hostile, suspicious court
My neurodivergent kids and I endured four years in children's court. A psychologist analyzing their drawings really helped
Q: How do you handle ex-in-laws who funded a lawyer for a mold case, claimed they wouldn’t want repayment, but then demanded most of the settlement?
Q: With helping our children with mental health, if we have joint legal, does dad need to agree to therapy?
Q: Should I reopen divorce negotiations even though I'm emotionally and financially exhausted and nothing came from my previous attempt?
Q: How long should court-ordered counseling continue for children after trauma?
Q: Will Hiring a Parenting Coach Help Me in Family Court?
the VAULT | Q&A | NAVIGATOR

Q: How do you coach navigators across varying state laws and support out-of-the-box regulation strategies?
Q: What are the steps to effectively use and benefit from the Navigator's Case Roadmaps section and Marco Polo?
the VAULT | Q&A | HEALING

Q: After 25 years of abusive marriage, how can I cope with challenging emotions and memories?
Q: How to Navigate Triggering Memories?
Q: What if I left my abuser and now life seems so much harder? Wasn't it supposed to get easier? Why have I lost all my joy?
Q: How can I help women in domestic violence and betrayal trauma find their voice, value, and self-worth?
Q: How do you work through the fear of the unknown? I'm terrified to be alone!
Q: How does trauma-informed therapy compare with regulare therapy? Which is better?
Q: My abusive marriage destroyed my immune system and I'm in total burnout. Should I let myself go into shutdown and take a break?
Q: Which modalities are helpful in trauma therapy?
Q: When you we're dealing with medical and trauma, how did you stay strong?
Q: How does one move oneself into Daring(WILD)?
Q: Do you have any suggestions on how to feel and support my brain's ability to process in real time for the future again?
Q: What should I do if it's been five years since my divorce, and I'm still battling with forgiveness?
Q: What are your thoughts on the codependency model and victim blaming in trauma work?
Q: How can I navigate the desire to reconnect with my sexuality after a period of grief, without being reckless, while understanding the need for control and wanting to feel desired?
Any suggestions to sleep when going through divorce process
Q: Is it true that CPTSD can mimic neurodivergent traits even if you're not neurodivergent?
Q: Why do marriage counselors not understand abuse?
Q: How do I address his constant lying about struggling with porn and constant lying about his activities?
Q: How can I rebuild self-esteem and confidence post-divorce while processing staying in a toxic marriage for 14 years?
Q: How do I handle my daughter’s social exhaustion while therapists insist on in-person school, even though she’s thriving online?
Q: How do we handle medical decisions with joint custody when there’s a carve-out for mental health therapy?
Q: How can I encourage my 17-year-old to try therapy again when he’s shut down emotionally and overwhelmed by life changes?
Discuss the high prevalence of certain conditions, such as neurodivergence, autism, ADHD, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and autoimmune issues, among trauma survivors
Q: Why is it important to share troubling events with the right people, and why is this often unclear or difficult especially for moms on the spectrum?
Q: How do I protect my healing when attending my son’s wedding would mean breaking years of no contact with my abusive ex?
Q: How do I handle my trauma response to my changed spouse while my kids start reconnecting with him?
Q: Am I growing in emotional resilience, or am I just too overwhelmed to feel anything right now?
Q: How do I manage the anxiety of my ex’s custody threats, even when I know the facts are on my side?
Q: How do I protect my peace and credibility when others believe the abuser’s lies?
the VAULT | Q&A | PARENTING

Q: What if my 9 year old daughter looks up to her abusive dad and begun talking to me like he did?
Q: Do the resources provided for those men also apply to teenagers?
Q: My 9yo daughter has started talking to me just like her dad did. How do I address this?
Q: What are the best books for co-parenting with an abusive ex?
Q: My teen spends 50-50 time and her dad openly mocks me around her. How do I help her see that I'm not the bully for seeking safety?
Q: Did I have to endure parental alienation?
Q: How can I best handle the responses of my late teen & adult children who see me as the problem for choosing to leave?
Q: What if a court-ordered counselor says you have to tell your child how you spend child support?
Q: My kids are asking about dad's cheating during our marriage. What do I tell them?
Q: I've tried to build my preschool child's relationship with dad, but dad gaslights and yells. How can I help my son?
Q: How to handle fathers day when your kids have experienced abuse from dad?
Q: How do i explain to my four year old why our separation is necessary for safety?
Q: How to navigate discussions about how bad marriage is with my nine year old?
Q: At what point would counseling be appropriate for kiddos?
Q: How do i advocate for my children's mental and sensory health needs despite their father's negative views and his family's skepticism?
Q: My child's court-ordered counselor seems biased against me and misinterprets my words. Should I request an advocate and another social worker present?
Q: How can I handle child exchanges to protect my children from their father's demeaning comments towards me?
Q: When handling child exchange, is it unreasonable to want to unbuckle my kids and hug them when I arrive, or should I just let him do it?
Q: What to do when dad refuse to agree with added medical care for child?
Q: What resources do you recommend when your ex is talking bad about you and your kids tell you?
Q: Should I document my ex-husband's accusations and actions even though most of our communication is already through the app?
Q: How can I best support my daughter through reunification therapy with a parent she's scared of?
Q: What do you do when your ex is forcing your kids to be people-pleasers?
Q: How do I help my kids have internet boundaries at the other parent's house?
Q: How do I help my kids not become people pleasers?
Q: How does child support account for fluctuating income, like gigs, when calculated as a yearly average?
Q: My ex hasn’t paid child support, he’s broke, and unemployed. Is there another way to handle this?
Suggestions on dealing with a hyper manipulative ex
Q: Should I stay silent or gently question my 18-year-old’s decision to marry soon after tension and lying in their relationship?
I'm just drained and not feeling like the best mama right now
Q: How should I handle one child discussing their dad's abuse in front of siblings without making things worse?
Q: How does emotional abuse affect a 10-year-old with ADHD and ODD who mimics the abusive parent's behavior?
Could you coach me on the big picture of foundations for assertiveness when it comes to teaching my child
Q: How do I prepare my kids for upcoming major life changes, like moving and switching to public school, as my divorce finalizes?
Q: How do I support my traumatized teen who refuses help and shuts down when asked?
Q: How do I navigate getting my child the assessments and support she needs when my ex is blocking the process?
Q: How do I cope with the guilt and regret of past parenting mistakes, especially when I still see my kids suffering?
Advise on how to approach a diagnostic assessment for neurodivergence kid
Q: What to do when the other parent says, "I'm gonna parent however I want and prepare her for the world?"
Q: How can I protect my young children from manipulation by their father now that I’m seeing the patterns more clearly after leaving?
Q: How should I handle it when my soon-to-be ex isn’t initiating time with our teens and blames me for lack of communication, even though we’ve set clear boundaries?
Q: How do I support my daughter after she stood up to her intoxicated father, and what do I tell her about possibly returning to his care?
Q: How to access your resources for teaching kids how to deal with unhealthy adults?
Q: What are my first steps to find safe, affordable housing for me and my two boys with no income right now?
Q: How can I help my kids recognize and process their father's broken promises without making it feel like I'm bashing him?
Q: How can I invite my daughters to ask about their dad—without pushing or oversharing?
Q: How can I get my son to attend therapy without making him feel forced or ashamed?
Q: What Can I Do When My Child Says He Feels Unsafe With His Dad?
Q: How Do I Help My Daughter Heal After a Chaperone Embarrassed Her in Front of Friends?
Q: How can I encourage my adult sons to pursue healing from pornography addiction without trying to rescue or control them?
the VAULT | Q&A | RELATIONSHIP CLARITY

Q: So what if your spouse is willing to work on things and is putting in the work?
Q: What are specific red flags that would show that he is not willing to work on things?
Q: My abuser claims he's changed but keeps acting in the old patterns. I'm worn out, how can I cope?
Q: What requirements would you have for the husband in order to stay and continue working on things?
Q: What about men who had childhood trauma? Is it the trauma that's keeping them from doing better?
Q: My ex is highly manipulative and even the lawyers feel sorry for him. I feel nothing - am I becoming cold-hearted? The Waffles & Pancakes Analogy
Q: Is this behavior "bad enough" to really be abuse? Does he know what he's doing is wrong? - The Snakes & Kittens Analogy
Q: What recommendations for safe resources are there for my husband?
Q: Should I agree to marriage counseling with my husband through his biblical counselor who he recently "graduated" from after six months?
Q: When do you know that you are done with the relationship?
Q: What is the role and purpose of women?
Q: What do I do if my husband has changed after years of porn use, but I still feel repulsed and can’t be intimate with him?
Q: How to support a woman afraid to leave an unfaithful, abusive partner due to custody and financial concerns?
Q: How can I be close to my husband without him thinking everything is fine or stopping his efforts?
Q: How do you go about telling your spouse that you are done?
Q: Why is it so hard for my brain to accept that my ex is an unreliable narrator and not trustworthy, despite surviving coercive control?
Q: How do I know if keeping my kids in limbo while their dad tries to improve is harming them, or if it’s best to move on?
Q: Should I meet with my ex to try to speed up the divorce process and create a more collaborative co-parenting dynamic, or would that just open the door for more manipulation and harm?
Q: Should I agree to a private settlement with my ex after years of court battles, or is it too risky given his history of not paying child support?
Q: How to deal with unhealthy in-laws that don't accept the separation?
Q: What do you do when the other side of the family isn't supportive and pushes a false, blaming narrative?
Q: How do I know if I'm mentally ill or just deeply affected by betrayal trauma, codependency, and the pressure to save a broken marriage that’s costing me my safety, dreams, and identity?
Q: How Do I Set Spiritual Boundaries With My Ex Without Fueling More Conflict?
the VAULT | Q&A | SAFETY ISSUES

Q: Do I need my church's permission or approval before I leave my marriage?
Q: What if it's covert? Assault & strangulation behind closed doors but all smiles in public, so the kids don't see reality?
Q: How do I defend myself against my husband's false narrative when everyone believes him and not his actions toward me?
Q: I have been a SAHM homeschool mom for years and I'm scared I'm too old to go back to school and start over. What can I do to become independent?
Q: Will going to a DV Shelter make my abuser accuse me of keeping our young child away from him?
Q: My husband is coming to get his things after another affair. Besides taking notes, what else should I do?
Q: Is it possible for me to stay well, even if he's not sober or being truthful?
Q: Do you have some names of divorce lawyers for me?
Q: When leaving a domestic violence situation, how important is it to find a DV-trained attorney, and what should I ask or do if I can’t find one in my area?
Q: Is My Ex’s Post-Mediation Contact Harassment I Should Report?
THE VAULT | Q&A | CLARITY

Q: How can I tell if my struggles with understanding people are just from being a third culture kid or if I might be on the spectrum?
Q: What if professionals are not trauma informed?
Q: Why Does My Ex Keep Showing Up in My Words?
Q: How Do I Sell the House Before Trial Without Fueling Conflict or Looking Desperate?
Q: How Do I Become a Clarity Coach, and What Training Do You Recommend?

My neurodivergent kids and I endured four years in children's court. A psychologist analyzing their drawings really helped

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