Mica Miller did not kill herself.

Granted, we don’t really know who pulled the trigger. Perhaps she technically committed suicide, although the reports of her actions just prior to death seemed to indicate that she was eagerly planning toward a future that included mission work and healthy new horizons.

But even if she did, technically, pull the trigger…

Mica Miller did not kill herself.

All evidence points to the likelihood that Mica lived for years in a vortex of violence, fear, coercion, isolation, manipulation and intimidation, mixed with intermittent positive reinforcement and coercive theologies that made her feel like she’d be letting God down if she sought safety.

And then she finally recognized that God values the individual person more than idolizing the upholding of an already-shattered covenant, but…

Mica Miller did not kill herself.

That particular blame belongs to a plethora of factors in this story that reads like a textbook for coercive control and toxic relational stress…

• The church who platformed her abusive husband as its pastor.

• The theologies instilling warped teachings about the definition of a faithful wife.

• The men who surrounded her husband and empowered him.

• The women who turned a blind eye to any telltale sign.

• The husband who began targeting her as a 14 year old child in his youth group…

The system itself combines to create a soul-poisoning vortex of confusion and fog that keeps kind-hearted, conscientious, deeply loyal partners trapped under life-threatening levels of coercive control.

Mica Miller did not kill herself.

And now, despite mountains of information pointing to her husband’s utter absence of empathy or grief as he cavorts with his mistress…

despite his impressive history of assault and battery to his previous wife and others…

despite sworn testimony from family and friends confirming her non-suicidal state of mind prior to death…

despite the fact that her motto was the abuse survivor's anthem of Micah 6:8 — to Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly...

despite that she’d apparently just shipped belongings to Africa to start fresh doing mission service overseas...

She is gone.

And women everywhere — women who never met Mica — are grieving right now, because her life story is a story so many of us have lived.

We too, have quietly warned trusted friends or family members that we know he is capable of profound harm.

We too, have made careful plans for a safer, more stable future while hoping no tragedy would prevent it.

We too, have faced threats of bodily harm, cried oceans of betrayal tears, and transcended marriages fraught with psychological terrorism.

We too, have:

• glanced constantly over our shoulders,

• compulsively checked the back seat before getting into the car,

• scanned for the nearest exit at any event just in case we need to flee,

• taken our vehicles to be swept for trackers,

• filed paperwork from an undisclosed location,

• installed security systems,

• checked every window in the house, every single night

• and changed door locks, and

• jerked awake at the smallest noises in the night.

We read Mica's story and we ache — because the chilling reality is that it could just as easily have been me. Or you. There was a time when I was almost certain this was my pending fate.

I have lived all of these things.
You may have lived all of these things, too.

And in our bones, we know the truth.
No matter who may have pulled the trigger…

Mica Miller did not kill herself.

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Additional news reports:
NY Post - South Carolina pastor husband claims wife died of suicide as family urges police to ‘deeply’ investigate her death

News 13 - ‘If I end up with a bullet in my head, it was JP’: Mica Miller’s siblings describe her fears amid split from pastor husband

ABC News - Cause of death for Myrtle Beach pastor's wife, Mica Miller, revealed

Myrtle Beach Sun News - Timeline of death surrounding Myrtle Beach, SC pastor's wife

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