There are four stages of healing after abuse: Safety, Stability, Strength, and SHERO. 

First, you need to know that you're safe. 
Safety has to happen before you can get to stability, or to strength.

You need to feel safe long enough for that security to settle into stability, where you're not just braced and hypervigilant watching for the next bad thing, or the next danger sign that might indicate danger. 

When you've been safe for a while, you begin to gradually find stability again after domestic violence or an abusive relationship. 

It takes a season of stability + safety in order to begin to find your inner strength. 

You can summon the strength to leave, strength to escape, strength to fight in court, strength to advocate for your children. But to truly be strong--not on a rollercoaster--it takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of internal work, you can't just skip it and then be fine, merely with the passing of time.

It takes safety and stability over an extended period of time, in order to be able to get to the point of strength. 

Now this is not just true for physical danger. This is also true for emotional and psychological and spiritual danger, to be able to get to a place of strength. 

You can have a deep and abiding sense of faith that carries you through hard times, but if you are constantly being targeted, if you're being psychologically disassembled, if you are in physical or sexual danger, it is going to take time for you to be able to recalibrate your picture of God's character; the picture that has been broken and warped by those who caused you abuse, who perpetrated repetitive, unrepentant, toxic behavior on you. 

Spiritually, that abuse can happen from the Christian workplace, or in a church, or congregation environment with spiritual leaders whose abuses cause similar reactions and trauma as that of physical danger in domestic violence.

So the three stages are 

• safety, 

• stability, and then 

• strength. 

Just as a side note:

Forgiveness is something that takes place from a source of spiritual and emotional strength. 

If someone is telling you to forgive right now and you are still not safe or stable, you can tell them that you want to get there; but right now, you need to focus on safety and stability, before you try to do the things that are related to already having gained strength. 

Last, the fourth season is SHERO. 

This is when you are ready to serve as a trail guide out of the wilderness for others who are lost in the fog behind you.

Ready to enter training to coach others? Get on the waitlist for SHERO!

Watch Coach Sarah's video explaining these stages of healing here:
https://fb.watch/2-99zvS5-W/

***** 

Take Decisive Action

1. Call 9-1-1 if you're in immediate danger, or go to your county courthouse or police station to report abusive behavior or threats. If you're unsafe, seek help immediately.

2. If you feel unsafe, but you're not in danger, seek a counselor or other professional support provider who can help you make a safety plan and explore growth options.

3. If you're in a relationship where pornography, infidelity, addiction, or other emotional/verbal abuses are present, and you'd like support from others who have survived it, find community in a WILD support group HERE.

Are you struggling to survive post-separation abuse, or worried the abuse won’t stop when you leave? You need practical, proven tools to survive court.

That’s why we’ve created PREPPED - a collection of proven tools for surviving post-separation and litigation abuse:

• 6 Ways to Find the Best Divorce Attorney to Save Your Kids (eBook)

• How to NOT Piss Off Your Judge: Advice from the Bench in Divorce & Custody Court (Toolkit)

• How to Craft a Winning Strategy for Your Divorce & Custody Battle (Guide + Workbook)

• 107 Questions to Ask Before You Hire a Divorce & Custody Attorney (Workbook)

• the BINDER | Your Complete Evidence Organization System for Family Court

Support Group>>WILD TraumaMamas: Because Momming After Trauma isn't for the Faint of Heart

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