What happens when we simply don't feel safe at church? 

We expect to go to church for spiritual connection, for community fellowship, for connection... But what about when going to church feels unsafe? Traumatic? Even terrifying? 

Someone recently asked me on Facebook: “How did you ever feel safe in church again?”

And I replied, “Who says that I do?”

If I’m really honest with myself, I’m on high alert at church--any church. Given the work I do, and the history I've lived, I know there are a lot of unsafe people who hang out at churches. I know church is not the place to just let your guard down and let your kids run free. So who says I decided to feel safe at church again? Nobody.

Do I go to church? 
Yes. 

Did I not go to church for awhile? 
Also yes. 

Do I believe it’s perfectly acceptable to take a break from church if you’ve been deeply wounded by the community and you need to reestablish a relationship with Jesus, in order to get straight what you believe about God’s character, because the church misrepresented Him in a big way? 
Oh, yeah. 

“Far too often”, Alberto left a comment on my page (and I agree), “the pastor is one of the unsafe people at church” or the leaders, teachers, elders--whatever your denomination calls them. Very often, the people in charge at church are the ones who are causing you to feel unsafe. 

So what can you do when you don’t feel safe at church anymore? 

I know a lot of our WILD tribe doesn't don’t feel safe in church. Here are a few things you can do while you're figuring things out:

1. Start your own study group. Do it on the phone, or on zoom. Connect with some of the other survivors in the WILD community if you want. 

2. Visit another faith community, try out a new structure. (Remember that no place is perfect and all faith communities are filled with humans.)

3. Find a women’s group and invite along a friend you trust. 

4. Join a phone call prayer time.

“Finding God’s character outside of people’s behavior is tough.” 
-Jamie

Oh, and isn’t it though? But you know, discovering God's actual identity is one of the important components in healing.

God is not limited by our perception of other people’s poor reflection of His character.

In fact, it’s my hunch that most of the time, God really, really despises the way most "church people" represent Him in the first place. He would be like, “You know what? Is that all you’re about, and you’re claiming to be about Me? I don’t like you anyway. I’m not like the god that you’re talking about, when you present Me as a rough angry tyrant, or an abusive controlling monster, or a permissive spineless pushover.” 

Look at Ezekiel 34 with me. (I like the NLT for readability.) 

Here, God is talking about the shepherds of Israel, the people who were placed in charge of protecting the church. Sounds like what we call pastors, right?

Then this message came to me from the Lord: 
“Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds, the leaders of Israel. Give them this message from the Sovereign Lord: 
What sorrow awaits you shepherds who feed yourselves instead of your flocks. Shouldn’t shepherds feed their sheep? 

• You drink the milk, wear the wool, and butcher the best animals, but you let your flocks starve. 

• You have not taken care of the weak. 

• You have not tended the sick or bound up the injured. 

• You have not gone looking for those who have wandered away and are lost. 

• Instead, you have ruled them with harshness and cruelty. 

So my sheep [my vulnerable ones] have been scattered without a shepherd, and they are easy prey for any wild animal. They have wandered through all the mountains and all the hills, across the face of the earth, yet no one has gone to search for them.

Have you experienced something like this in your faith community?

“Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: 
As surely as I live, says the Sovereign Lord, you abandoned my flock and left them to be attacked by every wild animal. And though you were my shepherds, you didn’t search for my sheep when they were lost. 

You took care of yourselves and left the sheep to starve. 

Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord. This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I now consider these shepherds my enemies, and I will hold them responsible for what has happened to my flock. I will take away their right to feed the flock, and I will stop them from feeding themselves. 

I will rescue my flock from their mouths; the sheep will no longer be their prey.

And it just gets better.

“For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search and find my sheep.”

God is saying: 

• when you have been abandoned, 

• when your abuser has been empowered, endorsed, enabled by the church leadership, 

• when you have had this kind of experience with the shepherds of your flock--God says...

“Those shepherds? They don’t represent Me. They are not representing My character. In fact, they’ve done such a horrific job, that I’m gonna go and find My sheep Myself!” 

Verse 12:

I will be like a shepherd looking for his scattered flock. 
I will find my sheep and rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on that dark and cloudy day. 
I will bring them back home to their own land of Israel from among the peoples and nations. 
I will feed them on the mountains of Israel and by the rivers and in all the places where people live. Yes, I will give them good pastureland on the high hills of Israel. 

There they will lie down in pleasant places and feed in the lush pastures of the hills. I myself will tend my sheep and give them a place to lie down in peace, says the Sovereign Lord. 

I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak. 

But I will destroy those who are fat and powerful. I will feed them, yes—feed them justice! 

Maybe God makes these strong statements precisely because he knows so many people at church are not representing the version of Him that actually exists. 

What if the heart of God actually wants to bandage you up, wants to strengthen your weakness? 
What if the heart of God is actually one of tenderness, compassion, help, and healing? 
What if God isn’t anything at all like the people who have misrepresented Him to you? 

Maybe God is wanting to come to you in stillness. 
Maybe God is wanting to come to you in quiet time. 

Maybe God is perfectly okay with you taking a break from toxic communities right now and seeking His heart on your own?

And as you do these things... maybe He has every intention of bringing you into contact with other people who are determined to serve Him too. 

Maybe He’s calling you out of the wilderness? 
Maybe He’s calling you into the WILD? 
Maybe He’s asking you to stop beating yourself up for turning away from the human traditions other people have made more important than God's truth. 

Maybe He’s saying you can be a world-changer in your own community, if you simply keep growing beyond your trauma and follow Him--no matter what--instead of following other people?

How are you learning more about the actual character of God in the healing after trauma?
Keep the conversation going with your friends.

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